


A Missed Opportunity At Love

by Seventeenteenteen (ChrisIsAnAngel)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, Pls enjoy the pain, Regrets, Seokmin is too afraid to confess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-25 11:00:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14975759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisIsAnAngel/pseuds/Seventeenteenteen
Summary: It's not like Seokmin didn't want to confess, he did, but he was just afraid of what the outcome would be.





	A Missed Opportunity At Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is loosely based on DK's OST: Missed Connections.

Seokmin was trying his best to hold his tongue but every time Joshua smiled, the words 'I love you' were on the tip of his tongue. It was getting increasingly harder to hold back and to not say anything. He wanted to scream, to tell the world how much he loved Joshua but he couldn't. He couldn't because he was a male idol and male idols don't fall in love with other male idols. 

"Seokmin-ah, you can use the shower now," Joshua called out as he stepped into Seokmin's room with nothing but a towel draped low around his hips, stray water droplets cascading down his glistening chest. 

The younger man gulped and tried to will down a blush. "O-Okay, thank you," he squeaked out. 

"Are you okay? Your face is kinda red." 

"I'm fine," Seokmin said, forcing his voice to be normal, as he waved a dismissive hand. 

He realised his crush about three months ago and ever since then, he hasn't been able to look at his hyung the same way and it was turning into a problem for him. It was the way that Joshua was casual about coming into his room half naked, the way he smiled so widely at Seokmin, and the way he cared about the younger man that drove Seokmin crazy. But of course, Joshua was oblivious to the way he made Seokmin feel and the younger man couldn't bring himself to say anything. It was like a sweet torture; the way Joshua held the younger man's hand sometimes and the times when the older man would sit a little closer than necessary. 

"You should just tell him, Seokmin," Mingyu advised. "You never know what will come out of it." 

Seokmin groaned. "You say it like confessing is so easy," he whined. "What if I confess and he rejects me? We're in the same group and it'll make things so awkward!" 

"So are you content with what you have now? Just happy torturing yourself?" 

"I'm not happy with it," Seokmin mumbled reluctantly, refusing to look Mingyu in the eye. "But I'd rather things stay the way they are than to ruin our friendship by stupidly confessing." 

Mingyu held up his hands, giving up. "Well, it's up to you buddy," he said. "If I were you, I'd just rather take the risk so I won't regret it in the future." 

"I don't even know if he likes men," Seokmin sighed. "I really doubt he does." 

"You never know." 

Feeling lost, Seokmin decided to seek out the one person who knew Joshua best and hoped that Jeonghan would be willing to give him some answers. 

"Why don't you go ask him yourself?" Said Jeonghan after Seokmin asked if Joshua was straight. 

"I-I don't think I could bring myself to ask him," Seokmin admit with a pout. "So please tell me, Jeonghan-hyung!" 

Jeonghan tsked. "It's so obvious you like him," he told the younger man who blushed at his words. "Why don't you just get it over with and confess already?"

"Why does everyone say it like it's such an easy thing to do?" Seokmin groaned. 

"Hey, Cheol confessed to me and it turned out fine!" 

"That's cause everyone with eyes could see that you two had the hots for each other," the younger man deadpanned. 

"Excuses, excuses." Jeonghan waved a dismissive hand at Seokmin's words. "If you don't confess soon, someone else might snatch him up, you know." 

Seokmin already knew that Joshua was... desirable so he wouldn't be surprised if the older man ended up with someone he couldn't compete with. It's not like he didn't want to confess, he did, but he was just afraid of what the outcome would be. Would Joshua laugh at him? No, no way, Joshua was a nice guy who wouldn't laugh at Seokmin. What was the worst that could happen? The sheer utter rejection that was sure to gut Seokmin. 

"Hyung," Seokmin called out when he and Joshua were the only ones in the practice room, "I want to ask you something." 

"Yeah sure, what's up?" Joshua replied casually. 

"I-uh..." The younger stuttered nervously which drew a look of concern from Joshua. "W-what do you look for in a partner?" 

"Like a romantic partner?" Joshua questioned and Seokmin nodded. "Uh well, let's see. I like someone who's nice and considerate." He hummed as he thought of what else to say. "And uh, someone who's funny." He turned to Seokmin and grin. "Kinda sounds like you, doesn't it?" 

It did sound like Seokmin. The younger man's eyes went wide as he blushed and tried to form a coherent sentence. "A-are y-you ga—"

"Shua-hyung!" Jun called out as he stepped into the practice room. "Are you ready to go?" 

"Uh yeah," Joshua replied as he stood up. He turned to Seokmin. "We're going out for dinner. You wanna come with?" 

The younger man shook his head. "No thanks," he replied and shot the older man a small smile. 

Joshua shot him a smile and Jun gave him a small wave before they both walked out, shutting the door close behind them. Seokmin sat alone in the practice room, his heart was pounding and he wouldn't be surprised if the sound was echoing in the empty room. He leaned his head back against the wall and let out a sigh. He made up his mind—he had to confess. 

Making up his mind was one thing but actually confessing was absolutely daunting. Days turned into weeks and every time Seokmin was alone with Joshua he opened his mouth to confess but he got tongue-tied and their privacy would be intruded on by another member. And try as he might, he couldn't help but notice how Joshua and Jun had started spending a lot of time together. It may just be him overthinking things but whenever he saw Joshua smiling at Jun or hear the older man giggling at one of Jun's jokes, Seokmin felt a pang of jealousy. 

He noticed the subtle touches between the two older men, when they would sit so close to each other and whisper things into each other's ears and when Joshua's hand would linger on Jun's arm for just a second too long. But yet when Joshua was with Seokmin the older man would play with his fingers as they chatted, casually intertwining their fingers and brushing his thumb against the back of Seokmin's hand. It took all of him to not pull his hand back because of how fast the casual act made his heart pound in his chest, he wondered if Joshua could hear it. 

But then Joshua started spending less and less time with him and more time with Jun. Joshua stopped coming into his room at night for midnight talks where he'd fall asleep on Seokmin's bed and the younger man would let himself cuddle the older man. He started seeing Joshua frequently leave Jun's bedroom in the morning, hair messy and a smile playing at his lips. He couldn't stand it anymore; every time he so much as heard Joshua say Jun's name, he felt a familiar pain bloom in his chest and he absolutely hated it. He couldn't look at either one of them in the eye and he started going out of his way to keep his distance between him and the happy couple.  

"Seokmin," a familiar voice called out and Seokmin shut his eyes as the pain once again bloomed in his chest. "Seokmin, did I do something wrong? You've been avoiding me recently." 

"Hyung," Seokmin said as he forced himself to turn around and face Joshua, "I'm not avoiding you." 

The older man shot him an unimpressed look. "You're very bad at lying, you know." He sighed and took a step closer to the younger man before placing a hand on Seokmin's shoulder. "Tell me what I did wrong, Seokmin." 

"Are you and Jun-hyung dating?" The younger man found himself asking before he could bite his tongue. 

Joshua looked slightly taken aback. "H-How did you know?" He asked. 

"I saw the two of you kissing the other day," Seokmin admitted, embarrassed. 

"I told him someone would see us," the older man groaned. "What does that have to do with you avoiding me?" 

"N-Nothing," the younger man squeaked. 

"Don't lie to me." 

Seokmin took a deep breath and gathered his courage before he blurted, "I like you, hyung. I have for a while now." 

Joshua didn't look shocked by the younger man's confession. "I know," he said to Seokmin's utter surprise. "I-I liked you too." He removed his hand from Seokmin's shoulder. "I overheard your conversation with Jeonghan." 

"W-Why didn't you say anything?" 

"I wanted you to confess so I'd know that you were absolutely sure about your feelings for me and that it wasn't just some silly infatuation," Joshua explained. "But then you never said anything and Jun confessed to me. I stopped thinking about you and I found myself falling for Jun." 

Seokmin wanted someone to wake him up from this nightmare. Joshua was telling him that he waited for Seokmin to confess and he had been too much of a coward to do so. Was there a way to turn back time? If there was, he'd like to know so he could go back in time to slap himself and force himself to confess. 

Now, as he laid in bed, thoughts plagued his mind. What if he had confessed? Would he and Joshua be together now? Would it have been him and Joshua and not Jun with Joshua? Would he be this miserable now? He wanted it to stop, he wanted to stop thinking and to just forget everything had happened. More than anything, he wanted to switch off his feelings for the older man so things could go back to the way they were before but life was cruel wasn't it? 

He was even more aware of his two hyungs now. Whenever he was around them, whenever he saw them, not only did pain bloom in his chest, so did regret. He shouldn't have been such a coward, he should have said something, anything. If he had, maybe he would be the one Joshua was smiling at now. If he had, maybe he would be the one Joshua was laughing with now. If he had, maybe he would be the one Joshua was in love with now. 

_"Junnie, stop. Not here." The voice made Seokmin halt in his tracks, it belonged to Joshua._

 _"Hyung, come on," Jun said. "Everyone is back at home, we'll be fine."_

 _Joshua sighed. "Fine." And then Seokmin decided to peek._

 _The two men had their arms wrapped around each other and were heatedly making out. The younger man managed to stifle a gasp but he couldn't stop the tears that began to pool around his eyes. His eyes were wide and his chest hurt, he was frozen to his spot. After a minute, he managed to recover and began to, as quietly as possible, run away but the scene of Joshua and Jun kissing was burned in his mind._

 _"Mingyu!" Seokmin called out as he pounded on his friend's door. "Mingyu open up, please!"_

 _The door opened and a very confused Mingyu appeared in front of Seokmin. "Seokmin, what's wrong?" He asked as he moved aside and let his friend step into the room before shutting the door. The other man didn't reply, he only continued to cry, sobs wracking his body making him tremble. "Seokmin-ah," Mingyu said tenderly and he pulled his friend into a hug._

 _"I-I saw J-Joshua-hyung and J-Jun-hyung k-kissing," he admitted, throat hoarse and eyes puffy after crying. "I-I should have c-confessed sooner!" He let his body fall onto Mingyu's bed, he felt drained._

 _"Joshua-hyung and Jun-hyung?" Mingyu hummed. "Now that you've mentioned it, they have been spending quite a lot of time together lately." He turned to look down at his friend who was laying spread eagle on his bed. "Do you think they're dating?"_

 _"I think so," Seokmin reluctantly choked out and he felt another stab in the chest. "I should have said something sooner, Gyu." He sighed. "I should have told him how I felt sooner."_

 _"I told you you'd regret it."_

In years to come, he'll probably get over the older man but it would always be something he regrets—a missed opportunity at love. 


End file.
